current mood: depressed
My emotions are running very high at the moment.
I've begun Lite & Easy. And so far I've been pleased with the quality of the food.
However my bad eating habbits are more than I realised.
Now that I am on the diet plan, its very hard to see others eat what they want around me. Extremly hard even, and it's only been a few days.
The other thing is the timing.
On my old shift at work, 1pm-9pm. I often came home to just making my own meal. There are various reasons for this. Mostly beacasue most people ahve already eaten and ready for bed by the time I get home.
The other thing is, I love Broc's cooking. and more than that I know how much he loved cooking for me. And my old hours at work didn't leave much room for him to cook anything that I might enjoy.
Now my hours have changed, I'm working from 8am-4pm. and for the first time since I have started work I can actually be home at the right time.
Now that Broc is cooking again, it's hard because I cant eat it. I have to remain strong and resist.
The other thing that really hurts. Is going out to dinner.
One of the thing I really wanted to do with Broc on a regualr basis ever since I moved here, was to be able to go out to dinner on a regualr basis, enjoy rich new foods and have a night out with the man I love.
My hours wouldnt let me however.
More than that, as time went on, Broc found a friend whom he could go out to dinner with, and I felt the pangs of jelousy more than once when I would get home on a friday night, and Broc would still be out, having gone to dinner with his friend.
Experiences I longed so much to share, and was held back from.
Now I am on the diet. And just when I finally can say "Hey Broc, let me take you out to dinner somewhere" I cant...
Most likely only on rare occasions. and even then I'll have to carefully watch waht I eat.
Suddenly I feel like I have missed out on my chance entirly to do what I had always wanted to do.
And I guess Broc will still end up going out to dinner with his friend. Seeing he cant do so with me again.
I know the diet is good for me. I know in the long run it can help so much.
and yet I feel like I'm suddenly cutting myself off from not only things that I have longed to do with Broc. But from Broc himself.
I'm so torn on what to do, or how to handle this.
Broc of course is being amazingly suportive. and I love him dearly for that. But I dont know weather this diet is going to make me or break me.
Is more than just the food I love. The food is nothing compared to the experiences I feel I am going to loose.